So I'm leaving in about 24 hours. I'm so nervous I can't even describe it. I just keep telling myself that everything will be ok. I'm sure once I'm there a few weeks that I won't want to come back. Isn't that the way it always is? Just when you're comfortable and enjoying yourself in a new place, it's time to leave. I can only hope that this journey is the same way. It's a pretty awful thought to think that I may actually be looking forward to leaving and coming home. Well, maybe not awful, but that's certainly not how I want this trip to go. Anyway, my body is starting to betray me and show the stress and anxiety by churning my stomach around. Not fun. I doubt I'll get any sleep tonight either. Hopefully I'll be so exhausted that I'll be able to sleep on the plane to London tomorrow night.

Also an update - I think I may actually get to see some of Moscow while I'm there for the day on the 30th. I'm booking myself a transfer from the airport to the train station and will do a 3 hour city tour in between landing and leaving. That way also I don't have to worry about the sketchy taxis and their drivers. So I'm feeling more comfortable about that day - which was the one day that had me the most worried. And I've found out a little about the people I'll be staying with. I'm actually staying with 3 families - each for 2 weeks or so. I'm not sure how I feel about moving around a couple times while I'm there, but it may turn out to be a good experience - I'll get to meet more people and try different ways of living while there. All three families have at least one teenager living at home. I hope I'll handle that ok - hopefully Russian teenagers aren't as obnoxious as American teenagers. I can't imagine that they could possibly be more so... One family also has a cat, so that will be nice since I'm going to be missing my own horribly. And one family has a dog - hopefully a mellow dog. I hope I get along with them all and that my personality doesn't rub anyone the wrong way. But being in another country where I don't speak the language fluently, I'm guessing that I'll probably be a little more reserved and polite in any case. Not that I'm rude, but you all know what I mean.

Anyway, I wanted to say thank you to all of you who have given me words of advice and strength - either through email or in person. They have all really meant a lot to me. Times like this make me realize what a lucky person I am to have so many friends and family that stand with me in times of stress and growth.

Well, this is probably the last I'll write while in the states. I've got packing tonight and dinner with a few of you. Then I leave tomorrow for the airport probably around 3:30. The 29th I'll be in London - probably just hanging around the airport for hours and on the 30th I'll be in Russia. I *am* actually excited to say that. I've wanted to say that for a long time. Which hopefully means that once the nervousness and anxiety melt away, I'll have a really fun trip.

до свидания!

So three weeks from tomorrow I'll be leaving for Russia... I am beginning to become absolutely terrified. There are so many what-ifs... Many of which I'm sure I'd have at the beginning of any trip, but this time there are oh so many more because of the language difference. I've never been anywhere by myself where the main language being spoken wasn't English. I've been to a Spanish speaking country before but always had an adult (when I was a child) or friends to help bear the burden of communication. This time it's all just on me.

My Russian is coming along slowly. I know all the basics I think. The social niceties (hello, goodbye, thank you, excuse me, sorry, please, etc.), some verbs (understand, speak, know, love/like, live, want, buy and probably some more I'm not thinking of as well as some that I *sort of* know), some question words (where, what, who, when), some basic words (this, that, there, here), a beginning knowledge of time and numbers and a variety of other nouns and adjectives. I'm still working with some different materials - I try to do at least a half hour of *something* every day, so hopefully I'll know more in 3 weeks... I'm sure I'll know more, but will it be enough? How am I going to get by myself from the airport at like 6 am to the train station at like 6 pm and what the hell am I going to do in Moscow for all that time in between?? If they spoke English, I'd be viewing it as much more a fun day than this day of complete and terrifying unknowns.

So yeah, I think mostly I'm scared about the language difference. That's definitely the primary concern. There are of course other things... like who am I going to end up living with? I hope I know *something* about them before I go... Will I get along with them? Will my patience hold out? That's probably the other main concern. I am not the most patient person. Not by a long shot. This is definitely going to be a trial at some points I'm sure. I hope I can pass it otherwise I'll be leaving Russia in September with a lot of people happy to see me going. And that's not a fun thought.

Either way I guess, if it's a horrible trip or a wonderful trip, it will be something I'll remember and will likely change me. I hope for the better. I honestly can't imagine I'll come back totally embittered about foreigners... that seems highly unlikely. So if that's the case, then things will probably turn out ok, and maybe even more than ok. Here's hoping.